>:|

i'm feeling all sort of bad feelings mixed up together... too many to describe... but i'm gonna do quite alot of complainin, lamenting, cursing.. watever u call it... if u tink u can't take this.. better dun read... i reallie need to let off steam... and it's not gonna be coherent...

ok... gd things 1st... wanna thank polar bear for offering to help buy coffee or gettin things from the canteen for me.. altho i didn't accept ur offer.. reallie thanks alot for even asking... me veri touched! :X

en wanna thank polar bear n jeff for studyin wif me... (altho for jeff's case... it's like when u put 2 crappy ppl together.. argh... ok. i tink i muz sit far away from him such that not within tokin distance...)

ok... now for the not nice things... if u wan to stop readin u still can...


i'm starting to doubt everything... perhaps in this whole world... the onli people who reallie cared abt me is my mom n dad...
i noe i'm selfish.. not abt to debate whether ppl are born selfish or not.. but i noe children r taught to be selfish.... well, in a subtle manner... -- to always think for urself 1st... learn to take good care of urself 1st... love urself 1st...

ok.... so i'm selfish... i kinda expect ppl to hold watever they said to me true.. (altho i noe it's kinda hard.. cuz i wonder if i kept to that also) then i expect ppl to reciprocate (ok.. mebbe i dun reciprocate much myself either... but.. point is i'm selfish.. n in the mood i am now.. i gonna juz have a attitude prob..)

the worse part is it always seems like one sided case... the arrow points a direction... erm like a link list.. but wat i wan is a doubly link list! aRGH

perhaps the best way to avoid all these is to not hold anyone of that great importance also... protect oneself from being more hurt by bonds... total darkness n lonliness...
but eventuallie.. wat awaits is death anyway

but tink of it more.. i can't do that.. i wun be able to bring myself to... once step out of that, i noe i'll never want to step in.. but will there be a day where i'll be forced to return?

dun give me hope, then take it away...
dun tell me things u dun mean...
dun make use of me...
i may be blunt... but i'm a veri sensitive person also...

juz kill me lar.. arGH