a lame (or shld it be unlucky) day to start the exams wif...

hmmm... well, it seems like right after my econs exam in the morning... my luck went downhill straight.. geez.. dunno wassup...

1stly.. the sole of my right reebok shoe came out again! but i can't pull it out cuz the front was sewed to the shoe itself.. so can't walk properly.. let alone limp properly.. =_=

then... thank god i met benny on the way.. so borrowed pen knife from him n got rid of the dangling sole... n u noe wat? after walkin further more... my left sole came out too!! argh.. so i settled the right leg but the left one give me prob.. so limped or rather.. tried to drag my left foot there... tryin not to gather any attention to my shoes.. n tried to cut the strings holding the sole down to the shoe wif my keys (sadly.. i lost my small pen knife i tink during the orientation preperation at the ECE club room... so yeah.. din bother to bring another nowadays)... n the string was soooo tough... the keys dun seem to help... so wat i'm left is wif.... my lighter... so i burnt the rope (tryin not to burn my shoe n leg along wif it..) unpicked the string... n finally got rid of it..

by that time i darn sian diao liao.... den wanted to go some classroom but mostly like pretty filled.. or at least.. dun seem to hav any sockets left for me.. so as i decided that perhaps i shld go smwhere else... found out that i never bring the cheat sheet for EE2008 that i planned to finish... haiz.. ok.. so i'll juz do abit of CS1102C n go home in the evening... but...

johnson called and ask if i'm at home?! apparently he gotten the dates wrong... told me was sunday.. yikes.. ok.. but ey're gonna catch "The Incredibles" and asked if i wanna watch (i dun mind budden i guess i'll feel darn guilty if i do... fancy catching a movie on the 1st day of exams.. am i nutS?) so he said he'll get back to me later... n minutes after he put dwn.. my hp's batt died... =_=;

so i kept wonderin if i gotta wait for jeff to come also (i figured that he mite ask where i am.. but the thing is.... my hp's flat... then worried that jsim wanna contact me also.. ><~)
finally.. saw jeff so i told him that i gotta go (oops..) went to call jsim to inform him abt the dead hp... n now i'm back home... :X

good grief...

anyway... had lunch wif sf, &dru n kokfei... apparently sf still can't remember kokfei's name =_=||| i can't help tinking tt her memory is worse than jeffs.. or she shldn't try to remember askin everyones name since she can't remember.. one in the other out? haha :X yeah.. den kf's complainin that he's gotta go Queensland alone while &dru gets to go wif siong yang n yuanheng (who coincidentally got the same uni?) hmmm... mebbe somehow... i felt that i'm luckier that i dun get to go lar.. at least NUS still got some peeps that i noe.. tho mostly not as close or got their own cliques.. but at least i wun feel miserable alone out there???? will i? haa.. the mystery's not about to be solved anyway. so heck it!

geez.. juz recalled that today got creative fest.. n it seems that they got more new mp3 players on their shelf!!! aHHH~~~!!! reallie wish to get one now cuz i'm experiencing the bulkiness of my cd player.. n havin to burn a cd everytime a new song from da animes are released :X budden... i was wonderin.. perhaps gettin one also no use cuz in near future, can't download stuff from da net anymore.. :\ n anime soundtracks in singapore r too ex for my expenditure.. sux...

i felt everything in one day!

i tink today reallie experienced alot of different moods.... happiness, anger, sianess, streZz, suspense, worry... n wat else ar? alot lar.. makin my stomach feelin veri crummy now.. that feeling... dun feel well man.. ack~

haiz... tiring... veri tiring... dunno wat to do... infact, i can't do anything... aside from studyin... but the fact that knowing well that i lack behind reallie dun help... n today my conc was shorter than usual... ard late noon that time my brain self declared off n shut dwn...

stoned for the rest of the day... can say that my heart sank to the bottom of my tummy alreadi...

then i found out that zf also studyin until dunno day or nite... en ended up commentin that &dru's still sleeping veri late! (eh.. &dru, if u're readin tis Earli in dA mornin.. U betTa go sleeP woR! :X ) haiz..
anyway, tis sem is darn terrible... super duper terrible.. i dunno wat else to say.. but juz pray that future sems wun be like dat.. i'll reallie throw up one day if tis goes on... the streSs n pressure is overwhelming... n life becomes totally no life....

anyway, was pretty shock to receive a letter from lj, (if u're readin tis, thanks aloT!~!~~!~ )

haiz... now stuck at a point in my life where i dun feel like movin fwd nor backward.... dun reallie look that fwd to the holz actualli... but i dun wanna re live all this whole sem again. ok.. tink i'm not speakin sanely anymore.. gambatte everyone...

latest news... i din get in for SEP... erm... can say that it's expected.. but still i'm disappointed...

feeling veri tired now.. i tink i can almost sleep for a year!

>:|

i'm feeling all sort of bad feelings mixed up together... too many to describe... but i'm gonna do quite alot of complainin, lamenting, cursing.. watever u call it... if u tink u can't take this.. better dun read... i reallie need to let off steam... and it's not gonna be coherent...

ok... gd things 1st... wanna thank polar bear for offering to help buy coffee or gettin things from the canteen for me.. altho i didn't accept ur offer.. reallie thanks alot for even asking... me veri touched! :X

en wanna thank polar bear n jeff for studyin wif me... (altho for jeff's case... it's like when u put 2 crappy ppl together.. argh... ok. i tink i muz sit far away from him such that not within tokin distance...)

ok... now for the not nice things... if u wan to stop readin u still can...


i'm starting to doubt everything... perhaps in this whole world... the onli people who reallie cared abt me is my mom n dad...
i noe i'm selfish.. not abt to debate whether ppl are born selfish or not.. but i noe children r taught to be selfish.... well, in a subtle manner... -- to always think for urself 1st... learn to take good care of urself 1st... love urself 1st...

ok.... so i'm selfish... i kinda expect ppl to hold watever they said to me true.. (altho i noe it's kinda hard.. cuz i wonder if i kept to that also) then i expect ppl to reciprocate (ok.. mebbe i dun reciprocate much myself either... but.. point is i'm selfish.. n in the mood i am now.. i gonna juz have a attitude prob..)

the worse part is it always seems like one sided case... the arrow points a direction... erm like a link list.. but wat i wan is a doubly link list! aRGH

perhaps the best way to avoid all these is to not hold anyone of that great importance also... protect oneself from being more hurt by bonds... total darkness n lonliness...
but eventuallie.. wat awaits is death anyway

but tink of it more.. i can't do that.. i wun be able to bring myself to... once step out of that, i noe i'll never want to step in.. but will there be a day where i'll be forced to return?

dun give me hope, then take it away...
dun tell me things u dun mean...
dun make use of me...
i may be blunt... but i'm a veri sensitive person also...

juz kill me lar.. arGH

dA flash is wiLLinG buT the MinD is weaK!!!

onli left like 4-5 days to my exams... n i'm still capable of day dreaming... concentration span has decrease to a new low in my entire life!!!

sianz... dunno why lidat.. but i seem to hav no ctrl over it liao... somebodY help mi!! i nid to see someone mug perhaps...

jialat... dunno wat to do... wanted to go school today but somehow can't drag myself outta the house... the school tooo far... no motivation to go.. but i'll still try to go tml.... that's the onli wae le...

motivation!!! pls come back to mi! my concentration span also!!!

questionnaire

got tis off LiA's OD... wanted to do it back then budden didn't.. so shall do it now... feeling darn sianz over my ED quiz results... argh..

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.

... to leave school and continuing with simple examples of people making choices...

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

Headphones for computer

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Lara Croft? Or is that few minutes of Singapore Idol on the bus counted?

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.

23:20

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

23:11 (i'm ahead of time! :D )

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

The TV (my dad's watching), the fish tank's water pump, and the fishes suckin up pebbles n droppin them

7. When did you last step outside? what were you doing?

8am tis mornin... went to school to study :)

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

my suckky results for EDM quiz

9. What are you wearing?

erm... shin min daily news' t-shirt... thin n comfy... n shorts?

10. Did you dream last night?

hell yeah.... can't remember wat, but it's not a good dream as far as i can remember. keep wakin up in the middle of the night these days.. can't sleep well.

11. When did you last laugh?

back at school a few hrs ago? was havin discussion wif &dru n jeff

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

aR? i'm in the living room... alot of things on the wall wor... got lights, clock, calendar... erm.. some qi gong calligraphy (my dad's) and his picture of a boy n a ox? erm.. and a couple of 3M hooks... the door bell.. switches.... the power box... erm... shld be abt it i guess..

13. Seen anything weird lately?

how weiRd is wEiRd? erm.. how abt me always gettin chased out of classrooms at 6pm when it's supposed to be a time where normally no one is left?

14. What do you think of this quiz?

so-so ?

15. What is the last film you saw?

From the theaters u mean? actuallie.. i juz realised that i cldn't remember... shld be Ella Enchanted...

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

will it happen? will i still live if that happens? :X okok.. erm...i'll buy some new gagdets i supposed? or mebbe i shld go space? ahahaa.. dunno... never reallie thought of it.. so even if the money falls down from the sky.. i also wun noe wat to do wif it

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

what abt me that u don't know anyway?

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

well... wanted to say something great like making humans to be more selfless... budden... i tink a more practical thing wld be... for Singapore to remove that law that will come into effect at the end of the year..

19. Do you like to dance?

yeah? hmmm... i like mass dance.. think it's cool to have everyone dance together...

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

tough one... don't even noe wat the child's surname will be... as for english names... i reallie dunno too... i tink 'stella' is nice... tink still got somemore.. but can't remember

21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

also tough... Ignatius? well.. also know of some good names... like andrew and adrian... dunno wat else.. hee... as for chinese names ar... a lot is suitable.. as long as the surname is not wu... then easy liao...

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

that i won't noe.. can't tell the future... but i dun tink i'll forsake my frens n family to go there n live.. unless everyone also move :X

too latE? or beTta thaN neVER?

i made it a point to reallie listen during lectures tis week... felt so proud of myself... tink i sorta found back the hardworkin me.. budden still not 100% yet... nowadays i'm gettin sick of sittin int he chair for too long.. budden once i leave the chair.. i dun feel like sittin dwn again... my back hurts.. my shoulders too.. then today becuz of the stupid adapter of my discman.. resulted me in sprainin / overstretchin my neck n shoulder muscles.. so now it's aching too....
dunno wat to do.. no matter how much i stretch ey wun go away...

oh ya.. my eyes also ey hurt.. n not as if i'm starin at the computer alot. or issit withdrawal symptoms?! :X

ok...i tink for the future sems.. i shld staRdie conSistentLY!! (easier to be said than done -_-...) but i muZ try... cuz if every sem were to be like this sem... i tink i wun be able to hold out for long...

to all NUS peeps (i assume that those NTU peeps that i noe of has finish their exams or are abt to..:X) esp ECE ppl, jia you!!!~!!!! ><~~~~

ants, acknowledgement n aunties

quite abit of stuff happened today... so guess i'll juz start from the biggest news...
my eldest sis is pregnant! i.e. me gonna be aunt again... can imagine my house will be very noisy years down... wif my eldest sis's kid along wif my elder sis's 2..
tink when it comes to my turn of having a child or 2.. (if that ever happens... ) it'll be a long time to come... perhaps then my sisters' children wld all be in secondary school or smthin?

anyway.. back to.. the start of the day.. i din go for the last EE2005 tutorial.. partly cuz i cldn't get myself to move fast enuff n i badly wanted to burn some songs out to the cd... partly also i tink i wun listen.. anyway, my tutor has gone thru all the tutorials at lightning speed, leaving us awe-struck.. what to do?? i cldn't bear to penalise him in the student feedback cuz he's actualli quite a hardworking tutor. as for my cs1102c tutor.... hmmm... i marked him down reallie... but.. i decided not to be that cruel... gave the evaluator the benefit of the doubt.. but.. i still hope that he dun get to teach again unless he improves..else only students will suffer..

tried to be real attentive during EE2004 last lecture.. quite please wif myself... budden end up the lect finish earli n the lecturer started introducing SNDL... erm.. for those interested in silicon nano stuff then shld go check it out? i dun feel like reiteratin.. :X

then went to arts for lunch.. sat at the bench outside LT9 cuz there's quite a big grp of us... en after yvonne they all left.. onli left jeff, &dru n me... was ponderin over some EE2004 concepts when i spotted an ant crawling out of the slit in the table (table is made up of planks joint together)... then came out 2... 3... and in a while... almost like 20 over ants are on the table, gathered at the spot where &dru left his papaya juice before that... ants drinkin papaya juice.. :X so.. the topic went on to ants for a few mins before we get back to EE2004... a couple of times i almost tot &dru's gonna squash the ants n stopped him from restin his arm on the table... n the ants proved to be more distractin than ever... "creepy crawly" described by &dru.. then jeff took out the mosquito repeller.. that emits a super high frequency sound that's supposed to chase away mosquitos.. (obviously it din work on the ants... but i still tried.. haha) but in the end, the ants moved back to their hole becuz i sorta "dropped" my econs txt on the table (not on the ants obviously) and they suddenly went scattering back... wat was left was 2 ants... dunno it's that ey're daring or they're juz pure hungry.... managed to chase one back after further knockin the table.. the other one... onli managed to chase it back when &dru prodded it wif his pencil.... ok... end of documentry report.

was on my way to CTW tutorial (last one!) and i ran into gibson... hmmm... then he smiled at me? (or at least i tot so..? dun suppose there's anyone at my back) so i smile back? hmmm... tink its like the 1st time we greeted each other officially.... and i always felt that such things r reallie strange... its like... everytime, u see someone like ur fren's fren... always in a dilema to greet that person as well or not... esp when u never tok to the person before... and i never like it when i greet someone and they juz din react? :x so everytime i'll hesistate.. n end up i'll never be the one who initiate the greeting...><~~ hmmm.... actually, gibson's not the only case this sem... the other incident was &dru's fren... i tink i reallie keep hesistatin n wonderin if he'll react if i say hi... until he said hi... :X so reacted promptly to my relieve... :X

anyway, after bumping into gibson, i went to say hi to sf again.. cuz i saw the redbull thingy.. so wondered if she's there.. haa... then after my ctw, i went to E1.. then saw jinghow n his gf.. he reallie spents losta time wif her.. haa.. dunno wat's the word to descibe him.. devoted? en stayed back to stardie... wif jeff coming in n leaving then comin back then left.. cuz he got lotsa stuff to settle.. so strictly speakin i'm studyin on my own... got 'chased' out of the room at ard 535pm.. so went to comp lab to pass jeff his bag.. then end up doin abit of revision there.. then readin comics... baby blues, garfield, dilbert?

then tokin abt baby blues... hee.. went home n found out the news abt my sis.. ha! wat a coincidence rite?

MRT Sick

yeah, not car sick, but mrt sick...
waited 7 mins for the boon lay train to come... and barely made it on the train rite before the train door closed... luckily i'm full of "squeezing" mrt experience.
hey, i'm not the kind that will push my way in... i wait for space to be created and somehow it just do... :X there'll be a small empty leg space juz enough for me to step in... erm, appreciate that guy trying to make space for me, but i'm not as thin as a bamboo.. so gotta try other doors.
yeah.. reach jurong east, changed train.. didn't manage to get a seat anyway (too many ppl, me lazy to fight wif them :X) and stood all the way... stoning all the way.. then suddenly felt like puking.. tink was at marsilling there.. then bear wif it all the way back to khatib...

:S

my 8 characters clash wif lab technology?

haiz... screwed up my ED2 lab... also becuz of technology. the excel keep giving me probs... then the 1st comp we sat at has a faulty curve tracer..... ><~ *sobZ*

in the end even tho got half an hr more... it's as good as none

smtimes... it's reallie like life making fun of u... it's juz a matter of how much u can tolerate....

feel so much at wits end now... dunno wat i can do...

wat to do wat to do?!?!?!! *sighZ*

issit that woman feels insecure more easily than man?